at every turn into the hike I'd hope you were there waiting for me, or hiding to make it a surprise.
you had gone ahead claiming we had different paces - you faster, I slower. And the distance increased, and increased and although initially I was able to see you, at one point I wouldn't see you anymore, but I hoped you were somehow waiting for me.
but you weren't, and with each turn I'd grow isolated and lonely, and the image of my prior years with very same moments of loneliness came back powerful, and this time Dad was no longer there as the ultimate human being to love me forever unconditionally. this time it was just me, for real, married to a chimera.